Day 13: Time Travel Tuesday

*Writer's note. I neglected to take many pictures during this portion of the trip so this will be an exclusively text-based post. The day after this I took a lot of pictures so that will be a much different experience.*

Tayla and I woke up in a scramble, an hour before checkout. I think that's mandatory when you're in a foreign country and you have a crazy night, everything sets up for the people to be like "OH shit! We need to freak out because if we don't leave by 11 then the CLEANING LADIES will show up and they will KILL US." I love how important it is for everyone to get out by check in time. You take a short shower where you have to choose between cleaning your body or your hair, you forget eight socks that you didn't even wear, they just fell out of your bag for some reason. You leave and check your pockets once over to make sure you got everything, then you check again, then a third time... then go back in anyway just to be safe. You sprint down the hallway, press the elevator button 30 times a second like a mario party mini-game, sweat on the elevator while constantly checking your watch as if you forgot how time worked. You bust out of the elevator, run to the front desk, then wait fifteen minutes on the back of the line.

We did none of those things, I was just playing make believesies for a second. We really just got out by like 10:50 and stuck around to watch the cleaning ladies murder everyone. After a few creative knife techniques followed by very efficient blood removal we had satisfied our appetite for carnage and checked out. We got a #hottip that there was a place up the street that would sell us food and other things to sustain life so we headed there and ordered some sustenance. Tayla got her eggs and avacodo and I got a milkshake again like an asshole. I also got fried eggs for the first time which, let me tell you, was a treat and a half oh boy. I recommend it to anybody who loves eggs or just food with the consistency of Play-doh.

After we ate we were faced with a dilemma. We had about five hours until our flight boarded but we had all our bags and nowhere to leave them. We could go somewhere and take the bags with us, but that's dumb because the only thing we knew we could do was skyzone and I think they banned us after last time. We could go to the airport early, but there's nothing for us there either except for expensive drinks and airport employees with half-asian, half-australian accents that were very unsettling, plus bad wi-fi. Then, inspiration struck, we could go to the hotel again and just watch netflix or write for two hours. "Good idea, brother that I fully respect and would never be mean to!" My sister totally said to me, "But what if they don't want us waiting in the lobby?" "I 'unno" I replied with passion. "Gotta try though, right? Like, surfs up mahalo."  I was trying to pregame with a little Hawaiian so it would kick it by the time we landed.

We got back to the hotel and sat down with a fierceness only found in travellers who infrequently get access to the internet. We were still on edge though. Tayla looked both ways before opening her ipad, then looked again before unlocking it, a totally unnecessary move for anybody with an Ipad used solely for entertainment. I guess she was afraid of hackers getting their hands on her "to watch" list. I took a different approach, i opened my device with confidence, like I was an important business man who decided to get some work done on his vacation but lost everything that makes him look rich or important or even smart. My elaborate and genius strategy paid off, the hotel ladies decided to spare our lives and let us use our purchased-Wi-Fi in peace. I guess all they care about is check out at 11, who knew.

After an amazing uber driver who was just so fantastic because he didn't say a goddamn word to us we were at the airport yet again. I looked at my phone and saw that I could rate the uber driver, so I gave him a 4 because his breath smelled. Immediately after the review was submitted I realized that it was, in fact, my breath that offended. That guilt stuck with me for the next seven hours. I still wish that I could go back and change everything about that day, but now I am an old man, and regret is  a poison that could eat at even the healthiest concious. I must move on. I must forgive myself the display of arrogance.

I don't remember most of the plane ride, mostly because I cried myself to sleep and slept for the entirety of it. Just kidding, there Is no way such a perfect flight would ever be possible. Either way, I got back to hawaii that morning.... whoa, what? Yea, that's right, we time travelled, bitches. We left on Tuesday afternoon and arrived Tuesday morning. It was really cool actually, because we only realized this a few days prior and had an extra day in Hawaii to do whatever we wanted essentially. So, instead of getting off the plane and forcing ourselves to do a bunch of stuff last minute to make sure I do enough, we could waste a full day and put it all off for the next day. It was like hearing your teacher got sick the day before an assignment is due so you just fall asleep instantly and do it tomorrow.

We arrived, I slept for six hours, it was a good morning. We had a simple lunch of broccoli, chicken, and rice before getting in the car and heading to a quiet beach ten minutes away. There, I snorkeled for the first time and I'll say, it was pretty underwhelming. Like, it was definitely nice water and I saw some fishes, but I don't like how close I was to drowning the entire time. I thought I was cheating death with evey breath, and that at any second a wave can wash over me and I get water in my mouth that's really gross, dawg. Also, the reef I was looking at was almost definitely dead. It looked like it had just saw some ghost coral and went all white. "No" I say to myself just now, "that coral was, itself, a ghost." #poetry

So I got out and we went home and had dinner which might have been that chicken and broccoli that I said before now that I think about it. We were still groggy and not in the mood to do anything so we just watched "World's Greatest Dad" on Netflix. It's a Robin Williams film that I don't hear a lot of people talking about so if you get the chance I seriously recommend checking it out. Now that I'm talking Netflix, "Oh, Hello" is an absolutely hilarious 2 man broadway show that really inspired me as a comedian. "Better Call Saul" is great, too. I think there's someone who will like this blogpost solely because of my taste in shows. 

After the movie was watched the deep ocean episode of Planet Earth which was really much better than my snorkeling experience, plus my lips didn't taste like salty, melted plastic. Tayla turned in for the night so I watched a little bit of HBO before turning in myself. The next day would be my last, and I was sure as hell going to make it count...

Thank you all for reading! Till tomorrow!