Day 8: What the Hell do we do in Narrabri?

I woke up around 6 a.m. on a cool winter morning in the middle of bumblefu- er, Narrabri, Australia. I was warm In my bed with my blankets and space heater...but there was a problem. No Wi-Fi! I started hyperventilating and running circles around my room, knocking over pictures and other important personal mementos. I was about to wet myself when I heard people rummaging around in the kitchen. Sweet reprise!

I dove headfirst out of my room in a frenzy. "WHERE'S THE WI-FI" I screamed, "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?" Before I could finish my interrogation I felt the cold air brush up on my skin. It relaxed my fiery rage into a calm disappointment. "Its, uh, pretty cold too." I whimpered, "I need a blanket and the Wi-Fi password, please."

"Our Wi-Fi is busted till tomorrow" said my pregnant sister Jacki. "They're fixing it all around town so it'll be spotty all day." My heart sank. As Jacki left for work I joined her chorus of dogs at the door, pitifully sad to see her go. I went back to bed and only came out to make myself lunch.

Chicken parm and pasta, now with tomato paste.

Tayla and I were watching Everest when brother-in-law Brendon came home from work to check up on us. His dad Pete, who lives next door, was able to take me into town. I didn't know how excited I should be, probably a very small amount, but I accepted the ride nonetheless. Half an hour later I was in the town of Narrabri, having a... blast.

It was around 2pm when I started my journey. Narrabri was mostly just comprises of one street, comparable in length to Oneonta or Nyack. Unlike those places, Narrabri was devoid of nearly all forms of entertainment, at least from what I saw. I did see one SPECTACULARLY interesting store on main street that demanded my attention.

Damn Sam u crazy fam

I skipped into the store, gaining absolutely zero knowledge from the sign about what they sold. Turns out it wasn't that crazy, just cheap gifts, kitchen appliances, and rugs. It should have been called "Miscellaneous Sam's" or "Assorted Variety of Goods by Samuel."

I was so bored I thought about breaking open these bad boys to see what the fuss was about

After just saying no to bath salts I left the store in search of entertainment. I remembered seeing a bar earlier on but deciding it was too early. It was only half an hour later, but my definition of "too early" had changed drastically since then and i went to look for the bar. I must have walked the entire length of main street three times without finding it... was it a mirage? Did I really see a bar or did my brain, devoid of all stimulation, imagine such a saving Grace? I was crawling on the ground when I saw it in the distance, signs with tooheys written all over it. I went in and got a beer

"Middy or Schooner?"

"The larger one"

As I sat and drank my amazing Little Creatures Pale Ale I realized that I had no means of contacting anybody who could get me home. I asked the bartender for the Wi-Fi but they don't believe in basic human necessities at that bar. Target had free WiFi though, so after my Schooner I headed down the street. 

Turns out she was right, I got on the internet. There was nowhere to sit so I was just a random American tapping on his phone in the middle of the aisles. I noticed my suspicious behavior so I made my way into the clothing section. For the rest of my time at target I alternated between the women's underwear and children's sections, you know, so I didn't seem creepy.

I contacted my family's groupchat and Brendon let me know that he was getting off work soon and would meet me at a pub. I got inside and sipped on a corona till he arrived. He came in and knew every freakin' person in this pub like they were blood relatives. "We're a small town, mate" he explained, "We all know each other." "Interesting" I replied, but I was more entertained at the bar being lit at 3:30pm. 

They didn't know what lit meant. I made a point to say more slang as often as possible.

"These wings are fire" 

"Oh I'm sorry, are they too hot for you?"

Before those bomb ass wings came out Brendon took me to the other side of the bar where they had a bowling alley. What the hell? Judging from Crazy Sam's I didn't think this town could be fun but this bar was top notch. Brendon set up the game and we played a quick round till we got the wings.

He forgot the 7. I forgave him.

After food and bowling we had one last quick drink at the bar before going home. The Narrabri folks I met were really cool, they were open but not overly talkative. They were positive but not annoying about it. They would give each other shit but in a light hearted way. It made me happy to just sit around and listen to them shoot the shit. I also made a game out of understanding what the hell they were talking about.

We headed home and picked up my sisters before taking a short drive out further to the country. We were going to visit his friend Todd who owned a farm and an adorable puppy who kept biting the shit outta my hand. Apparently, locals will keep them in the back of their trucks when they're in town to bite people who try to steal their shit. Some dogs wont bite until the hand is pulling out of the truck! They bait you into a false sense of security. All this went through my head as I tried to stop this cute little fucker from ripping my hand off.

Cute but devious. I need one.

Shortly after arriving we headed off in the truck to shoot kangaroos. Yea, I said it. We were going out to kill the cute creatures Australia is known for. They're pests out there, eating crops and breeding like mad, so killing them is both legal and a service to the farms there. Or maybe not, maybe we were lied to by maniacs who just wanted us to murder innocent animals. Either way, my cognitive dissonance levels were high enough to take aim and fire my first gun at my first animal. I missed my first shot, but landed the second. If we're facebook friends then you'll see the video shortly. If we're not facebook friends then I'm surprised you're reading this in the first place.

We headed back to Todd's for a delicious dinner of steak, lamb, and salad. I didn't want to insult him, but I had to mention that the steak tasted exactly like something from Outback Steakhouse. Some stereotypes are spot on, I guess. I wish I had more pictures of any part of this trip, but a combination of drinking and me not wanting to look like a dumb American tourist who takes pictures of everything got in the way. I learned a lesson, but also I don't care what anyone thinks because I'm a registered kangaroo killer and won't take shit from anyone.

I slept soundly that night. The memories of shooting a gun ran through my head like a great video game and I itched for more. Sadly, Sydney is the next leg of our trip and I'm not a big fan of real life grand theft auto. Oh well, at least we can find some more chicken wings.

Thank you all for reading! Till tomorrow!